Wednesday, February 25, 2009

flawed.

I've realized that it is much more comfortable and much more safe to be angry than it is to be hurt. But truly, the world and life and humans would be far less beautiful if pain only inspired vengeance. I'm trying to remember this as I allow my mind to render the expression of my emotions. I want to be mad, I feel I have a small, but existent, right to be mad, being mad is powerful and hurts less and makes me feel like I'm in control.

But the truth is that it just hurts really bad. I feel left behind. Rather used. Insufficient. Truly by myself, which I'd never acknowledged, deeply, as being before. I feel "not good enough" on an entirely fresh and unexplored level.

And it is so frustrating to know that one person caused this.

Flawed love is what comes from flawed people. And until I am reliant on perfect love, one I've been raised to be familiar with and somehow have devalued as of late, people will always have this power to hurt.

Moving on.

2 comments:

Jenna said...

Ummmm...
:(

AK said...

Nah no worries (: Everything is a learning experience, and I value (genuine) learning too much to stay sad for long (: